Wedded Bits: Great Expectations
[Photography by Tec Petaja. Event Design by Joy Thigpen.]
Last week this little post by East Side Bride got the wheels turning. The problem at hand was that a certain photoshoot had been perceived by some as an actual wedding, and commended as such. Much discussion ensued, mainly out of how many innocent bystanders start to create unrealistic expectations of their own wedding days when put up and inspected against these shiny, pretty images that are, ultimately, a photoshoot. [I for one snorted out loud when I saw this - while beautiful, I also rolled my eyes a little at the amount of work, and money required to create such a "deliberately eclectic reception table". I love the idea, but the implementation of such a thing ... makes my head hurt. Well, I guess that's why they pay the wedding planners the big bucks.]
[The table in question. Lovely, but ML would kill me if I started collecting things to this degree. Times 100 peeps. I'd need a second garage. Photography by Tec Petaja. Event Design by Joy Thigpen.]
Which really brings me to my point - that the reality of these weddings showcased in the magazines and the pretty websites are often so out of my (and many others) financial league. I was trolling Meg’s (A Practical Wedding - the bastion of happy moderation that she is) archives when I came across her own similar feelings towards these incredible feats of event planning:
“Here is the thing. How many times do you see pictures or read a article about a really beautiful wedding, and get sucked in? “Gosh,” you say to yourself, “This really is a beautiful wedding. I want a wedding like this! How did they do it?” And then you start breaking down the details: The venue $20K, food $50K, bar tab $20K, dress $10K, second dress $8K, photographer $12K, invites $3K, flowers $6K, cake $3K, event planner - best in the business. And then you say to yourself. “Well, cr*p, no wonder they had a nice effing wedding.” And you slam the wedding magazine or your computer shut.”
And in the comments of East Side’s post theflashdance noted something of the same thing — he points out that most of the weddings that are featured time and again cost in the realm of 100k. Cough. Sputter. Now that’s fine and dandy for those that can - but for many of us, this silent comparison is ultimately going to cause a lot of doom and feelings of failure. [Which is funny when I consider that I laid down the same cautionary tale in this post about the pretty shiny architecture featured in those lovely little magazines. Having a 2.5 million construction budget is a completely different stratosphere than doing a remodel with 30k, yes?]
[This is how I envision the ambience of our backyard Austin wedding - just imagine a yard that is teensy bit smaller (ha!) and grass potentially less green. With more shrubbery. And much more dancing.]
Of course there is a middle ground. But I, innocently enough and just as easily, got sucked into it all. [I mean, it is a rather nice place free of budgets, reality and logistics.] My expectations started to morph into this beastly thing that, while beautiful, maybe be a little over reaching. And then I remembered that after the party dies down and everyone flies home, ML and I will, hopefully, have a little cottage to call home, a backyard waiting for many more slow evening dinner parties, and a puppy running around high on nacho chips. The days after are just as important as the day of - a sentiment many have emphasized, and a happy little motto indeed.
[We are hoping that since our hometown of choice is on of the best music cities in the country, that we'll be able to snag some great live music at a deal. And support some up-and-coming talent to boot.]
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Comments
Marisa,
I had stealthily stashed away your idea of attacking the dollar store for place settings - things that can be reused, or smashed in celebration the night of, a la greek wedding style. You know, in case things get really happy.
And after the fact, you can always donate some of those dishes (if necessary) to a shelter or something else that might be in need of such things. To keep the good little wedding karma goin’ round…
I’ve been donating our dishes to all of my hubby’s newly-married or newly-with-mortgage friends. You know how men never have more than two plates, and they don’t even match? One friend just bought a house, came over to get some extra furniture, and left with dishware for eight, plus glasses, all matching. We’ve probably broken five plates, and the rest are clean and stored until we need them.
Embarrassingly, it makes me really happy to have twenty friends over for a barbeque and be eating off of real plates. Granted, we’re still using the goofy bamboo silverware (wood-ware?) from our wedding, which sucks, but that’s because someone’s hubby uses forks and butter knives as tools because he never puts his away.
Anyway, I do recommend the splurging on dollarware over renting dishes strategy.
Yup. And Amen, and all that.
I’ve been floored to see some wedding budgets that weren’t, shall we say, publicly shared. In all honesty, knowing made me feel better. “Oh, well, I’m not spending $60k, so of course my invites aren’t that freaking awesome. Moving on….”
I had many angstful (if that’s a word, and since I now declare that it is…) moments leading up to our wedding, and blogging on the ‘bee didn’t help so much. In the end, our wedding rocked even though it looked better in the pictures than it did in real life, but I like to think that if all goes well, photography captures a feeling and not just the facts.
And the next day, our house was still freshly painted and our property freshly manicured, and the money we sank into the party paid for memories that were much more than an event. Our home became a member of our family. (Yes, I am that freaking mushy.)
And we can use the hundreds of pieces of dishware and glassware for future parties (and we have already).